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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Peter's LiveJournal:

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Monday, April 11th, 2011
12:21 pm
Day One
I've considered the Master Cleanse a few times. The research I've done seems to make sense and add up. I've even talked with a few friends who have done it. So last month I geared up and tried it. I lasted about four hours. It was the diarrhea that got me. It was intense and it didn't stop. So I gave up.
I tried a second time last week, but again, I was foiled by the diarrhea.
Today I make my third attempt at the Master Cleanse. I thought it would be a good idea to blog about my experience, in the hopes it will help propel me through the ten day gauntlet. However, before I could even log-on to livejournal, it happened again. I was sliding into first and I felt something burst.
I also noticed I wasn't mixing enough lemon juice or maple syrup in my cleanse the last two times, so this should be a bit more successful. Or if not, at least a longer lasting experience than the first two times. My goal right now is to make it an entire day on the cleanse.
I'm getting ready to head off to work now. I'll probably check in around 5pm when I come home for my "lunch" break.
So far. So good.
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
7:38 pm
"I Wanna Be That Girl" - SNEAUX! The SINsational Gothic Figure Skating Musical
Everybody hates me; I'm persona non grata. Snug between the freaks and losers in my high school social strata.
Laa la-la la la, laa la-la la la, laa la-la la la, la.
When I couldn't be popular I made the decision to be above in all in cool. But all my efforts were met with derision by every dill-weed in my school. For example, I'd like to wear black lipstick, but I don't want to make a fuss. So I avoid getting my ass kicked by staying inconspicuous.
And it only makes sense, oh-oh, in a world that's so cruel, oh-oh. It's my only defense against the kids in my school.
I can't say my teenage years are a Sunday walk in the park. But I gots, you see, I gots the smiths; I got in Clarke. And a world view that my parents say is prematurely dark.
But I really don't mind, oh-oh, when they give me those looks, oh-oh. I can always go and hide inside my music and books.
But I'm not your typical teenage outsider; J. D. Salinger isn't my favorite writer. I get my books at the grocery store; I'm sure you've seen them there before. They're gothic, horror, romance novels and everyone thinks they're above 'em. They're trashy, poorly written, and ridiculous, and I can't get enough of 'em. It says here on the jacket the author died in '85. He may be two years dead and buried but the franchise stays alive. And there're like, forty-seven novels, and every one of them's the same. In fact the only thing that changes is the heroine's name.
She's a good as gold, oh-oh. She's Vatche-sold, oh-oh. And she talks like a porn star and she's fourteen years old. She's always a brilliant dancer or a painter or an actress or something like that. And then she finds out her family isn't her family; she's really a high-born aristocrat. And she falls head-over-heels for a hottie who turns out to be her dad!
And she's beaten and molested, oh-oh... And she travels the worlds, oh-oh. And she's beaten and molested! And I want to be that gi-i-irl! Oh-waoh-oh! I want to be ado-opted! I want to be a ballerina!
Who cares if her world is filled with secrets, incest, and mysterious death! So what if every storyline reads like Judy Blume on meth?
You may think I'm a flake, oh-oh. You may call me a fool, oh-oh. But it's the perfect escape from the kids in my school.
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
1:07 pm
just so i know it's not just me; was this guy uncommonly rude?
Note: This dialouge was taken directly from Yahoo instant messenger. iluvcurves69 added me as a match on hotornot.com and then e-mailed me saying he wanted to get to know more about me. What follows is (presumably) our only direct conversation ever.


iluvcurves69:
Hey its me iluvcurves69 from hot or not, glad u wrote back, I have to tell you, Im shy, reserved, quiet, with deep blue eyes, seems Im the only one who knows what passion means anymore, girls are soo cold.. Im bi curious, havent been with a "guy" since I was 15. Let me know if u still wanna talk.
when snowmen attack:
ok
i found it odd that you were messaging me when your interests only mentioned women
lol
you seem like a nice, interesting person
iluvcurves69:
i am discrete
im a shy catholic boy, unlike catholic girls, we dont hump everything that moves.
when snowmen attack:
hahaha
i'm glad you agree there is more to romance than sex
iluvcurves69:
yeah, i get hit on a lot for "sex", i never respond or i tell em to get a vibrator.
ive only dated two women since i was 22, 4 1/2 and 10 years, my girlfriend is inhibited, older then me, and doesnt do more then the normal in bed.
when snowmen attack:
i've never dated a women
woman
whatever
iluvcurves69:
k
well i was molested by a male babysitter from age 6 to age 9
and once by a female babysitter
i had a sleep over that turned into more with a friend when i was 15, his step mom wanted me more
when snowmen attack:
wow
they could have at least waited for you to go through puberty
iluvcurves69:
i wasnt raised to be a slut i was born in germany and spent most of my life there, came to the states when i was 10
nude wasnt a biggie so i dont get horny when i see naked peeps
if yer not special it doesnt turn me on
i rarely see my girlrfiend, maybe 4 times a year, if that, shes only here for up to 2 hours, and thats the way its been for 6 years now.
my friends moms, step moms, and their dads girlfriends asked me if i wanted to learn how to fuck since i was 13, i just declined politely. theyd walk around in see thru lingerie and strip in front of me.
when snowmen attack:
that must have been hard to deal with
iluvcurves69:
im shy and still am pretty shy today
i hate being a "sex" object
i mean if theres no emotions involved why bother, sex is scary you can get all kinds of diseases.
if i get horny i just masturbate, it helps most of the time.
when snowmen attack:
i've only dated one guy
iluvcurves69:
k
when snowmen attack:
and for nine months he kept trying to have sex
iluvcurves69:
i prefer making love
when snowmen attack:
and it has never been something that has interested me or turned me on
i've tried to do it with several guys and i've only had one real orgasm
lol
iluvcurves69:
im hiv negative and std free i always used condoms and ive only been with mostly virgin girls, my ex fiance was virgin we dated 4 1/2 years, my girlfriend has been married since she was 35, shes 55 now and they didnt have sex after their 4th year of marriage shes only been with 3 guys and all used protection
when snowmen attack:
i just feel weird because there's not emotional connection
iluvcurves69:
so u fucked a few guys already
when snowmen attack:
yes
and i've been raped as well
which sort of takes the fun out of sex
iluvcurves69:
uh ok
i was molested he didnt fuck me, he just rubbed his dick and balls on mine
he never went any farther
when snowmen attack:
sorry, i wasn't comparing
i was adding to my list
iluvcurves69:
u dated one guy who wouldnt get in yer pants but u fucked several guys
im not a slut i need to be with someone more then a nite
when snowmen attack:
i'm not sure what you are trying to get out of this
iluvcurves69:
im not sure u are being real
you claim your not like the other gay boys then u say you fucked a few guys like in their ass or something and u never got to excited about it
most gay guys are whores
my coworker is friends with a ton of seattle gay boys she says there all sex pigs
all they want is a new weener every weekend
hardly any date anyone
when snowmen attack:
lol
iluvcurves69:
she kisses em , and wheres that mouth been, ewwww
when snowmen attack:
hahaha
i wouldn't call myself a whore at all
iluvcurves69:
yeah most americans yer age never would
when snowmen attack:
i have had sex with three guys
iluvcurves69:
reality would hurt to much
to admit yer a sex fiend
i didnt mess with anyone i went to skewl with
when snowmen attack:
me either
iluvcurves69:
cant find any gay virgins around here anyway
you watch mtv and learn all that stuff i watched mtv and all they ever played was videos, grin
i wasnt born here i dont fuck everything that moves
good luck sounds like u just want a bootie call
when snowmen attack:
why are you being so hostile?
iluvcurves69:
hostile, nah its intelligence, sorry if u dont want to come out and say yer a sex addict, id rather jerk off then fuck a few guys
hell i would never have a 3some with my woman unless the other party was someone we cared about
and shes not into anything anyway just likes watching it on porno
my gay friend lost all his friends cause they did guys in the ass and died of aids
when snowmen attack:
perhaps you could let me explain myself before jumping to your intelligent conclusions
iluvcurves69:
he only sucks dick
yeah, u are too vague thats for sure, but hey they dont teach communication skills in skewl no mores
when snowmen attack:
first off, i am not looking for sex
iluvcurves69:
i dont do sex
and im not into fucking a guy up his ass when he doesnt have a aids test
my girlfriend wont even do 69 she thinks sticking her ass in my face is gross
when snowmen attack:
i had protected sex with a guy a knew when i was 19 to see what the big deal about sex really was
i didn't enjoy it
because of that i was never interested in having sex with my boyfriend, even though he kept pushing me about it
neither of us wanted to take it up the ass
since then i have met two more guys whom i have had sex with, neither of which i have had an orgasm with
iluvcurves69:
damn u find all the gay whores i cant find one decent gay man
when snowmen attack:
i am not interested in having sex with men
iluvcurves69:
i dont do gay bars
or regular bars
i dont drink or smoke and dont party
when snowmen attack:
just because i have had sex with someone doesn't mean that either he or i are whores
iluvcurves69:
if u dont like it why do u keep fucking mens asses
when snowmen attack:
i dont fuck guys anymore
lol
and that's because i did it with three different people and didn't like it
as far as anal sex goes
iluvcurves69:
yeah i hope u had yer dick wrapped
when snowmen attack:
i did
iluvcurves69:
that shit is scary but kids yer age think aids is gone away and unfortunately the fastest growing aids cases are 14 to 24 year olds!
when snowmen attack:
luckily i have used condoms and never tested positive
but thank you for your concern
iluvcurves69:
well i hope u fucked guys who were virign
virgin
aids is scary shit
women can have aids and not affect em for years, it usually is more harmful to men
i sucked my friends dick when i was 15, he asked me to go down on him and said he would take turns going down on me, he didnt, and he never squirted
I-)
i havent fucked a woman under age 40 since i was 22 because most your age are pretty immature and hormones not substance
i knew you looked too immature and all horny and no substance, but hey i give people the benefit of the doubt and im always right, so good luck with all those horny boys, i dont do guys who cant keep there pants on..
when snowmen attack:
hahahaha
iluvcurves69:
i think hahaha and lol is all u can say
when snowmen attack:
you are repeating yourself without ever having read a single word i've typed
iluvcurves69:
oh really i read what little u typed
u brag about fuckin guys up the ass like its a trophy hunt
didnt like it but went ahead and fucked two more asses
yer soo hot, grin
im always the passionate one with women, i always have to go down on them they never do on me, if they do its just a lil while till they make an excuse they want me in their pussy
i dated TWO women since I was 22, i think im not a whore, hell I stay with a woman who rarely fucks me for 10 years now, i just jerk off
when snowmen attack:
and look at yourself: you come across as rude, hostile and completely emotionally unstable both concerning how you view yourself and how you view others
iluvcurves69:
u think everyones negative like most females, damn u must be the ASS PUSSY BOY
when snowmen attack:
i'm sorry i wasted your time
iluvcurves69:
i know, u want yer ass fucked, u wanna be the GIRL in the relationship
i type fast, get a fucking clue.
its intelligence, if thats what scares you have fun fucking guys who are too dumb to tell u not to do them up the ass
when snowmen attack:
obviously you're not interested in making a friend, only an enemy
iluvcurves69:
emotionally unstable, yeah look whose drooling in the photo of himself
go look in the mirror and jerk off and tell yerself "yeah fucker, im hot as shit, see my tiny dick its hot too"
buh bye, id rather do yer mom, you must have a fucked up mother if she made you and yer fucked up too
enemy haha, u threatening me, my woman works for the local sheriff, buh bye
your now ignored, one reason Im only bi curious, young immature guys like you who screw anything u can get and think yer hot just cause a guy let u do it.
unstable men like getting it up the ass, sounds like u wanna be the BOTTOM in the relationship, good luck with yer moms dildo.. buh bye

Current Mood: irritated
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
8:15 pm
i offically have three friends
i feel like i dont have any friends any more. well, any friends who respect me. i cant make new friends, i can't keep old friends. there is no one i can talk to who i can trust 100%. seriously. the people i want to talk to either wouldn't care, or would tell everyone else. not that i'm concerned about my social standings....i dont have any. i just feel so lonely and sad. i dont know whats going on anymore. my classes are going alright but im about to start getting behind. i dont have whats going on with my relationship. i dont know what im going to be doing this summer. i dont want to sit here and type out these complaints that no one will read.
last night just made me so sad. last year brett was the gay guy that everyone loved. and this year i thought it was me. but no, its not. i was completely rejected at this party for the new gay. and it makes me sad. i was just manipulated with implied free alcohol so i could drive these girls back and forth to a party. i did this before and both times they dont listen to me when i say i want to go. so now i'm calling it off. no more parties. i usually have more fun by myself anyway. i hate living on campus. last night i was so sad to move but now i cant wait. i also need to write my biology paper and study for calculus.
anyway,
the (unhappy) end.

Current Mood: blah
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
11:33 pm
an interesting conversation
adam....Collapse )

the end.

Current Mood: artistic
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
11:19 pm
i miss my boyfriend.

Current Mood: blah
Thursday, June 30th, 2005
7:03 pm
viva la revolutionCollapse )

Current Mood: awake
Saturday, June 11th, 2005
3:51 pm
sleepy sleepy sleep....
"I am not a celebrity. I am not the child of a celebrity. I have never been married to, never been abused by, and never provided a kidney for transplantation into any celebrity. Furthermore, I have no desire to be a celebrity.
In fact I am such a nonentity by the standards of our culture that People magazine not only will never feature a piece about me but might also reject my attempts to subscribe to their publication on the grounds that the blackhole gravity of my noncelebrity is powerful enough to suck their entire enterprize into oblivion."

"The ocean lay so far to the west that it was no more real to us than the Sea of Tranquility, that vast dark plain on the face of the moon.
Occasionally, when excavating for a new subdivision of tract homes on the outskirts of town, developers had struck rich veins of seashells in their deeper diggings. Once upon an ancient age, waves lapped these shores.
If you put one of those shells to your ear, you will not hear the surf breaking but only a dry mournful wind, as if the shell has forgotten its origins."


also,

Which Family Guy character are you?
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
9:07 am
i can't stop singing this song
Whaddaya think they talk about in those quorums they got up there - how
good we are?! So listen up, now! Any second those cops are gonna bust in
here and bust us up like a bunch of overripe canteloupes! So I say as
long as our juice has gotta spill - all over this floor, here - her
juice has gotta spill, to! Cladwell juice! Then we'll see who's better
than who.
Look at here there
All bound up, gagged and tied
With her head full of hair
And her heart full of pride!
Well, boys, I've had enough
Of each arrogant curl!
Bing! Bang! Boom! Let's get tough
Playin' rough -
Snuff that girl!

"Snuff that girl"? But killing people is wrong!

Then why does it feel so right?
Look at us here
In a hole, on the lam
With our hearts full of fear -
What a rip! What a sham!
You know, cops will be here
Bustin' heads mighty quick!
But we'll beat them to the bunch
When we snuff out that chick!
We tried doin' what we should!
Wasn't glad!
Then we learned that feelin' good
Mean's doin' bad!
Nuts, they fall close
So they say, to the tree
Looky here, here's an a-
Corn from Cladwell I see
I say, she is the nut
and of course, we're the squirrel!
She is what we saved for winter
So let's snuff that girl!
This is the end
Roll the dice, place your bets!
In this mis'rable world
That's as good as it gets!
So now, let's live it up
Eat the oyster and the pearl
And let's get this party jumpin'!
Really get it pumpin'!
Get this party jumpin'
Yeah, let's snuff that girl!

Current Mood: busy
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
11:51 pm
i love cute boys....
BlatzforXmas: blah, today was entirely to long and busy... i can hardly keep my eyes open.. good luck with the rest of your finals mr. malone.... ;-)


....and it seems they like me too

Current Mood: sleepy
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
4:05 pm
if every day i never wrote about was the summary of a dream, here is the month of may:
i heard him open the windows last night and i didn't do anything about it. i ran through a field and it turned into the sky and i flew to the circular rock formation i had read so much about. on top of all the ice cream i decided to eat i put chocolate and marshmellows and peanut butter and caramel but something went bad and i could taste satan on my spoon. the pirates set sail and for some reason never returned; i know you shouldn't trust pirates but i have their gold, why haven't they come back for it? watch out, new york city, there's a giant tape worm devouring little girls, everyone run and find the solutions guide to life. did you know if the path from the parking lot where my car is to the stair case i walk down every morning had one more grain of dirt on it it would collapse into the center of the earth? the korean jesus told me to wash away my sins.
i hope i can grow up and become a sheet of music.

the end.

Current Mood: blank
Friday, April 29th, 2005
1:03 am
convo w/casey.....
forkboy11: casey?
whiteboyXC: fork boy?
forkboy11: is this casey?
forkboy11: kringlin?
whiteboyXC: kringlen
whiteboyXC: like the german santa clause plus an n
forkboy11: haha, gotcha
forkboy11: do you know who this is?
whiteboyXC: nope
whiteboyXC: id like to though
whiteboyXC: are you pretty?
forkboy11: not really
whiteboyXC: thats ok
whiteboyXC: i forgive
forkboy11: i dont think you'd remember me, but i've had your sn forever
whiteboyXC: oh...ok, lol
whiteboyXC: how do i know you?
forkboy11: i watched people paint abs on your chest for one long summer
whiteboyXC: haha, nice nice, and you like forks?
forkboy11: its a hobby
whiteboyXC: well a couple people had to witness the abb creation.
whiteboyXC: oh well. how are you?
forkboy11: decent.
forkboy11: and yourself?
whiteboyXC: stressed to the max, but hanging in there
forkboy11: sorry to hear that
forkboy11: that you're stressed out, that is. glad to hear you are hanging in
forkboy11: are you in school?
whiteboyXC: haha, thanks, i did it to myself, overscheduling
whiteboyXC: ya, at chapman university in orange
whiteboyXC: hey, i have to run out for a sec, be back in a few mins
forkboy11: oh cool
forkboy11: ok
“whiteboyXC” is away from the computer as of 12:05:56 AM.
“whiteboyXC” is back at the computer as of 12:15:53 AM.
“whiteboyXC” signed off at 12:15:53 AM.
“whiteboyXC” signed on at 12:17:41 AM.
whiteboyXC: back
forkboy11: oh good
whiteboyXC: so ya...school in california
whiteboyXC: where are you at?
forkboy11: WWU in bellingham
whiteboyXC: cool, you like it?
forkboy11: yah, it's been good so far
forkboy11: what are you studying down in CA?
whiteboyXC: theatre
whiteboyXC: decided to throw my life into that after footloose
whiteboyXC: but i have come to terms with the fact that i dont really sing, lol
forkboy11: your singing in footloose wasn't that bad
forkboy11: as far as i remember
forkboy11: lol
forkboy11: i love theater, but i know i'm not great at it, so i'm going into biochemistry
whiteboyXC: awesome
whiteboyXC: a noble field
whiteboyXC: the US needs scientists
forkboy11: im actually really excited to go to medical school
forkboy11: so i guess im a nerd
forkboy11: but whatever
whiteboyXC: haha, its great to be excited about something you like
whiteboyXC: im jealous in a way
forkboy11: are you not excited about theater?
forkboy11: or is it too late to turn back?
whiteboyXC: no no, im really really excited, i just left a lot of academia behind, im pretty damn smart, lol, and it hurts to leave behind that potential...but i still get to use my brain
forkboy11: awesome. i will keep my eyes out for you
forkboy11: when you're famous
forkboy11: and then in 10 years i'll mail my footloose dvd to vh1
whiteboyXC: haha, don't you dare, lol
whiteboyXC: i dont htink i have watched that whole thing
forkboy11: i know i haven't
whiteboyXC: i should
forkboy11: but i still sing some of those songs in the shower every once in a while
whiteboyXC: haha, me too, me too
whiteboyXC: so how is life other than school and such, still hang out with any footloose folks? getting married anytime soon?...jk, enjoying college life?
forkboy11: cassidy and i were thinking of auditioning for footloose at a theater in idaho a few months ago
forkboy11: i still talk to a few of those kids. school's going better than bad. and getting married wouldn't be so bad
whiteboyXC: so you and cassidy are friends? cool cool, and better than bad is good i guess, lol
forkboy11: actually, i was surprized at how easy the adjustment from high school to college was
forkboy11: everything felt really natural
whiteboyXC: ya, its not too bad
forkboy11: how about yourself? getting married?
whiteboyXC: haha, no, i wish, jk, just the usual boys, well not really, that stopped, but now just waiting for one in LA to figure out he wants to date me, then il be set for marriage
forkboy11: hahaha
forkboy11: i hope you get what you want
whiteboyXC: haha, thanks, then call cameron and tell him so, jk
forkboy11: i'll make a phone call if you make a phone call
forkboy11: lol
whiteboyXC: haha, is there someone you need called on your behalf?
forkboy11: maybe....
forkboy11: there's a guy i've been seeing down in seattle
forkboy11: and i would love to get married
whiteboyXC: oh, wow, very cool, and not fair, but still cool
forkboy11: not fair?
forkboy11: we are both seeing people, lol
forkboy11: that seems pretty even
whiteboyXC: no no, im not relaly seeing mine yet
whiteboyXC: hes older, he just got out of a big relationship, so its going relaly slow and i hate not knowing if it might slip nto friend mode
whiteboyXC: hes so cute, and not immature, cuase hes no young, lol, but thats ok, and he has puppies, i miss my dogs
forkboy11: i'm sorry
forkboy11: what kind of dogs do you have?
forkboy11: i'm seeing an older guy as well
whiteboyXC: my doggies in seattle are cuties, one a black lab mix, teh other a britney spaniel mix
whiteboyXC: how old is your mr mr? lol
forkboy11: oh fun
forkboy11: he is....older
forkboy11: it's just for fun, i dont expect anything to come from it, lol
whiteboyXC: but you would get married? lol
forkboy11: not to him, lol
whiteboyXC: how old is this guy? jk, you dong have to say
whiteboyXC: lol, haha, nice
forkboy11: 26
forkboy11: i miss having big dogs,
forkboy11: i have disowned the dogs my parents have right now; miniture german schousers
whiteboyXC: mines 26 too, lol
forkboy11: funny.....
whiteboyXC: oh, lol
forkboy11: maybe we are being double played by the same fellow
forkboy11: chris does go down to CA on business a lot
whiteboyXC: haha
whiteboyXC: possibly
whiteboyXC: haha
whiteboyXC: maybe
forkboy11: you can have him
whiteboyXC: thanks
whiteboyXC: lol
forkboy11: anytime
forkboy11: well im about to crash
forkboy11: it was nice to hear from you though
forkboy11: best of luck
whiteboyXC: thanks, me too, off to bed
whiteboyXC: have a good night
“whiteboyXC” signed off at 1:03:41 AM.

Current Mood: accomplished
Sunday, April 17th, 2005
3:42 pm
Funny,
How'd I fail to see this little bed time tale was funny?
I could cry to think of all the irony I've missed!
What an unusual twist
Right at the end of it

Funny,
Who could see that this pathetic scene would be so funny
Once you strain to find the grain of humor underneath
Life double crosses with style
Forcing you into a smile
So it can kick you in the teeth, just desserts
We can all laugh till it hurts at my expense
I'm accustomed to working on "spec"
I always pick up the check

I think it's funny
Who could top or make this comic opera more compelling
You could weave in some deceit to even up the score
You'd have us all on the floor
That would be roaringly funny
Sad enough my life's a joke that suffers in the telling
Just another hoary chestnut from the bottom drawer
I've heard so often before
That I can't laugh anymore

the end.
Saturday, April 16th, 2005
8:56 pm
You want all my love and my devotion
You want my lovin' soul right on the line
I had no doubt that I could love you forever
The only trouble is you really dont have the time
You've got one night only, that's all you have to spare
One night only, let's not pretend to care
One night only, come on big baby, come on
One night only, we only have till dawn
In the morning this feeling will be gone
It has no chance going on
Something so right has got no chance to live
So let's forget about chances
It's one night I will give


They are not nice they're mostly noise
They swear like men, they screw like boys
I know there's nothing in their hearts
But every time I take one in my arms
It starts, the movie in my mind
The dream they leave behind
A scene I can't erase
Flea this life, flea this place
The movie plays and plays
The screen before me fills
He takes me to New York
He gives me dollar bills
Our children laugh all day
And eat to much ice cream
And life is like a dream
Dream, the dream I love to find
The movie in my mind


the end.

Current Mood: lonely
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
3:04 pm
since you stayed here....
You'd never recognize the room. The picture's all have different frames now and all the chairs are rearranged now. Somehow I've thrown out every souvenir. Yes, there've been changes made since you stayed here. You'd never recognize the street. Our favorite stores have different names now. The colors on the trees have changed now. Strange how I've hardly thought of you this year. Yes, there've been changes made since you stayed here. The same address, well, more or less. More happens; less matters, i guess. You'd never recognize my life. I play a much more carefull game now, and when I cry it's not the same now. Somehow I never waste a single tear. Yes, there've been changes made since you stayed here. You'd never recognize the room. You'd never recognize the room.
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
11:59 pm
i wanna have a hot time every night; get out and raise a little fahrenheit....
i dont know how to say hello.
every day i sit there and i think about all the millions of things we could be talking about and the little subtleties of our interactions and i know none of it will ever materialize. the longer i dream about the less there is left in reality. that's the rule, the law, the equation. i have known but never learned. that is my fault. i know what is right and wrong, what is real and fiction, what is true and false, but i always pretend like this time everything will turn out different and get slapped in the face. every time. the only positive attention they ever give me is in my head. i need to get out. i need to find the person who will make me happy. always i think i have found them and then they hate me. slowly at first, but they know they can never last and i can see it in them too. i figure the more people i meet the closer i will get to love.
but i dont know how to say hello.

Current Mood: exanimate
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
12:27 am
in the rain the pavement shines like silver....
i feel lost.
i want someone to comfort me and understand me. but i dont want forgiveness. i want honesty. tell me that what i've done is wrong, there's nothing i can do to fix it, but you still love me.
maybe what i'm trying to say is: thanks for trying, but i can't believe you anymore. i need some unbiased and more mature attention.
hello?

the end.

Current Mood: blah
Monday, March 28th, 2005
5:14 pm
far too quiet on the Western front....
i, too, must back off and let things settle. i cannot give advice i heed to apptly apply to my own life. patiance is something i never had.
waiting is.
i suppose it was fun while it lasted. i've given up predicting anything. just surprize me and see if i'm shocked.
let me keep coming back to where i've just been. you make a blur of my senses; make the heat in my rise. pull away from the past, let the future in.
i keep moving the screen to see if something new has happened. and i am mildly dissapointed. just enough to add that tinge of lonely to the boredom that has currently comsumed my life.
the end.

Current Mood: bored
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
8:08 pm
at least tell me what i did wrong....
I tried to believe
It was better without you
I was safer alone
No, I'd give it all for you
I'd give it all for you by my side once more
Oh, I'd give it all for you
I'd give it all to hold you again
To feel I'm completed
To know there and then
That all that I needed
Was you to fight the fear
And now you're here...
I stared at a million stars
And thought I could touch the sky
And I tried to believe
It was better without you
I was finally free
No, I'd give it all for you
I'd give it all for you by my side once more
Oh, I'd give it all for you
I'd give it ‘cause the mountains I climb
Get higher and higher
I'm running from time
And walking through fire
And dreams just don't come true
But now there's you...
God knows it's easy to hide,
Easy to hide from the things that you feel
And harder to blindly trust
What you can't understand
God knows it's easy to run,
Easy to run from the people you love
And harder to stand and fight
For the things you believe
Nothing about us was perfect or clear
But when paradise calls me
I'd rather be here
There's something between us
That nobody else needs to see
There were oceans to cross
There were mountains to conquer
And I stood on the shore
And I stood on the cliff
And the second before I jumped
I knew where I needed to be
Oh, I gave it all for you
I gave it all for you by my side once more
Oh, I gave it all for you
I gave it ‘cause it's harder to touch
The things that are dearer
I love you too much
To trust something clearer
I know I fell too far
But here you are...

Current Mood: melancholy
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
12:29 am
almost the pekay showdown
so....i am having an excelent day.
and as of right now i dont know how it could possibly get any better.
well, i do...but i dont know of anything within reason that could happen.

the end.

Current Mood: sailing
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